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monochrome is the Colour. [entries|friends|calendar]

twisting with the wind.
maybe, just maybe, this is forever
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For Endless Sunsets [May 02, 2008 @ 2:17am]
I doubt you will ever chance upon this, but I just want to tell the whole world how much I love you, Hunny.

[December 24, 2007 @ 2:46am]

Love. [August 18, 2007 @ 3:45am]
Strawberry Heart

love, when you walk away, i count the steps you take.

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

天高地厚 [June 30, 2007 @ 1:38am]
想飞到那 最高 最远 最洒脫
想看見 陪我到最

可以  一闯禍  一起沉默  一起走
可以  一起飞翔  一起沦落
不管天高地厚陪着我   陪我一起大声狂吼

想飙到 那最高  最  最辽阔
想唱完 那最感动的一首歌
沒看見 那天高地厚不肯放手
因为我有我想要的朋友 你是我最想要的朋友

Ambiguity. [June 20, 2007 @ 5:23pm]

new lava lamp from the bestfunnyfriend and a trip down thomson lane.

Phew, one heavy load off my shoulders but now everyone is calling up to ask if it was me on the papers :\ And seriously, it can get a little frustrating at times when people you hardly have any contact with have a whole long list of questions just so to satisfy their curiousity and spread this piece of news to others.. Gosh. How juicy can it actually be?

I love my work, even though there is a whole long list of cons attached to it :] 
Days like these, where I am now waiting for the costumes set and sound systems to arrive are the best, albeit it can get a tad bit boring if there is nobody to talk to during the long breaks :\ I have never and up till now still don't, see stars as big shots, probably 'cause too many people I know of are stars/idols of some sort and furthermore, they are just human beings like you and I. Just the other day, I bumped into this particular famous HK artiste at the VIP parking lot and I just waved for manner's sake before continuing with my work. WeiLi later asked me how could I actually have been so calm when I saw him but oh well, they are really just nobody special to me. Hmm, that is why those artistes that I adore (which I can count with the fingers on one hand) should be a really talented and charismatic lot. Get my drift?  :D

Went to the Stadium Waterfront and Stadium Green the other day and trust me, the skyline view is totally breathtaking when night falls. Alright so maybe I'm the last to know but whatever, haha. Today is my last day at Hype before I am done with my attachment :( I'm not totally 'lifeless' because of attachment but it just adds to my suffocation and I'm very sure I can do without it, haha :]

Where's the smile in her smile [June 12, 2007 @ 3:03pm]

Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away


Know what? Today is the day I'm supposedly to be freed - no work, rehearsals, attachment , trainings, no nothing except  for school assignments - and Hype had to ask for me to help out with the admin crew because they are shorthanded. Grrr.

I need 48 hours of sleep. Emotionally and physically drained, but if this is what it takes then I guess it has got to be done. I've been travelling to Expo and Henderson Road so often I'm seriously starting to get sick of the entertainment industry haha :\ Such industrial places make me feel out of place but oh, all is swell when I get to meet the colleagues because they are such funny people they crack me up :] Did I mention, the working environment is 98% male and Jul was so worried he popped out of nowhere during my first day of work. I suppose all my male friends have this penchant for giving their friends big surprises, haha.

The kids at my attachment centre are super adorable and active! I seriously think I can tone my inner thigh muscles just through bringing them out for outdoor play, haha :\ Gee, nursing two abrasions and blue-blacks, whoever thought it's easy money being in this field please wake up!  And oh, everyone - from the aunties to the kids - always has some silly jokes up their sleeves. It makes going to the centre such an oh-so-happy affair save for the hypocrisy of some teachers. PM Lee Hsien Loong is paying a visit to the centre on the 23rd of June and guess what, the principal requested for me to be his tour guide around the centre and its vicinities (!). If you think it is so easy, think again. Any wrong remark about NTUC or the government body and I can say hello to court cases. Gosh! And please do tell me beforehand should anybody want to peep at me during attachment alright! Actually don't, because I guess it seems very unprofessional to have friends visit me during work. That silly Gabe popped me a visit out of the blue and thanks to him, all the kids are hounding me with what is Kor Kor's name, school, age, yaberdooda. Thanks, ah.

Alright, off to bed! Waking up early later to support Keagan's DB race. Row, row, row!

L [June 11, 2007 @ 5:54pm]
Dear L

All I can say is I'm sorry. You are a great guy and you deserve someone better. I appreciate all that you have done - from the lovely Rang Wo Zhao Gu Ni, Wang Ci and True, to the collage - but someone out there suits you better much more than I do. I won't expect us to be friends like before because I know the pain in it but know that I'll always be here for you should you need a shoulder. You have been such a wonderful friend, my first ever best guy friend, and honestly, I don't know how am I going to live my life without  you around. I don't deny it pains me so to let you go but I'll do whatever it takes for you forget me.

Please, pull yourself together. Don't drink yourself silly anymore, go for your lectures, attend your wakeboarding lessons, don't drink and drive, just live the life you lived before all this happened.

 I'm sorry.


In your arms. [June 03, 2007 @ 11:29am]
oh para-paradise

I am so glad I will be busy for the next 4 months or so because at the very least, I won't be left with time for creative imagination. That's right, I've returned to that very junction in life where I would rather numb myself crazy with work once again. But aye, no worries. Ask my friends, I guess I'm a workaholic by nature :]

Went to the Navy Open House last weekend with the guys and oh boy, the RSS Formidable and stealth frigate Intrepid was awesomely humongous. Alright, so maybe I'm the last to know that it is of that size, but seriously, there's no word that can describe those warships and weapon systems other than awesome. Had the duck ride and a ship ride which was so-so because it did not even feel like part of the Navy's job :\ How I wish I could go for parachuting but it was only open to the divers and how I wish I could try the bungee jumping but I saw some familiar faces and decided against that. No pictures because I had to look after 21 year old Nat who was nursing an open-wound infection from some jungle training in the NS. Right.

I am so very random but I think I overstretched my upper tendon again because it hurts every now and then even when I'm seated. Imagine stretching a rubberband to the maximum, now that's exactly what my tendon is going through. And that reminds me.. I have not updated on my celebrations. I told you I'm random..

Got to run for dance.

too many painful goodbyes too often [May 30, 2007 @ 2:13am]
will upload and journal about the celebration(s) when I have more time :]

Have been running a temperature since last night (must be all the good food from the previous days!) and my eyes were so sore this morning it really stung when I tried to open my eyes. Guess what, the doctor actually said my eyes were swollen because the tear ducts were under heavy pressure which in turn, caused its expansion.

And  he asked me this,
"Have you been crying too much lately?"

I was seriously dumbfounded. There I was, one day into my nineteenth life, feeling absolutely naked, as though the doctor had actually read my mind and seen through my cheery facade. All of a sudden, I felt like I was the silliest fool on earth because I realised while I have been crying my heart out over a lost relationship and friendship, those people had probably moved on ...probably enjoying the prime of their life right at that very moment. Tell me, where have you ever heard of an eye infection due to swollen tear glands? It only spells s.t.u.p.i.d.i.t.y.

To you: Please stop doing this. One moment you say you cannot live without me and the next, I hear that you are with some other random female friend. I'm tired of being the other one to you. I have forsaken many things for you but ask yourself honestly, have you ever appreciated what I have done? When I was in so much confusion and hurt, where were you? As I stood at the traffic light for a good 10 minutes the other night, do you know how much I really wanted to end it all by dashing towards the oncoming traffic? Or how I just wanted to bleed to death? Everywhere I go and in almost whatever I do, I am reminded of you, me, us. I have never ever written about you in any of my journal entries but this will be the first and last. I read somewhere that a capable woman is one who is able to keep her man by her side. I'm sorry I'm not capable, not good enough for you.

To you: I doubt you will ever see this, but let me just say it out since you are forever so busy. I do not know why your attitude has changed overnight. Is it because of something I have done or said? There are so many questions I want to ask but it seems I can't even get it past my guts. Maybe, just maybe, I am really too sensitive, but I really doubt it is the case. It really hurts to be treated this way without given any reason ...especially so since you are someone whom I can connect with. If I am not even worth your time, just tell me straight to the face. Y'knw, I really regret meeting up with you back then. But then again, I hate to say this, but I really miss you as a friend. This is really eating me up from the inside...

True enough, I have many many friends. But sometimes, when you are used to leaning on one shoulder and even though a better, probably even broader shoulder comes along, you may never get used to it.

I've always had this fighting spirit inside of me ever since I was young
I've never lost in any waging battle
But I think I really am defeated this time around
I've lost to my worst enemy - myself.

Creative morbidity [May 25, 2007 @ 3:16pm]
I'm at dance intensives now and have decided on updating my journal whilst awaiting for the grand finale of this instructor to arrive. Seriously, nothing constructive is coming out of him because all he does is either blabber on and on about his dancing days in the Vancouver Ballet, or criticise our techniques at point blank. I mean, we dancers are trained to accept criticism of any kind as long as it is constructive and not senseless ones like, "Look at those untrained muscles of yours. Whatever did you do to them!" Duh, I think I flattened out my muscles with a rolling pin. Like what his age tells, his golden days are long over so he should probably exercise some restraint from praising VB to the highest skies and putting SDT down to dirt level.

This is terrible, I think I have been getting irritated over every little matter lately. 

I won't be doing BUTS this year because of school commitments and watching the company dancers rehearse their pieces make me feel so very sad, because one of the items is my favourite contemporary number choreographed by Uncle Jeffrey :\ So what I can be involved with is either help out in the backstage and stage production or be an audience and of course I chose the latter because I have had enough of being the Maria for some haughty dancers. And nope, it would not be a chance gone to waste because SDT has productions all year round :] So! Those who would like to experience BUTS (Ballet Under the Stars) do tell me cos' I've got 25% off the ticket price.

Will be meeting up with Trish and the rest later for an early birthday celebration. I don't know where we would be heading (those secretive little imps are good at this) but we would be going to Island Creamery for dessert! :]

Then like an answered prayer
I turned around and saw you there

[May 22, 2007 @ 5:55pm]
You're right.
I'm strong and determined.
And maybe this is just what I need to get me through this time of shit.

So what if I'm not  the prettiest little thing on earth?
So what?
It doesn't matter.
No, it really does not.

Nine and the extreme left. [May 21, 2007 @ 1:56am]

Times like these are times when you see the best in people
The people worthy of the term 'a great friend'
Hard to find
But found.

Tears in heaven. [May 18, 2007 @ 2:59am]

"Love isn't blind. Love doesn't mind."

It sticks, it haunts, it stains me guilty.

These fancy things will never come in between
You're a part of my entity, here for infinity
When the war has took his part
When the world has dealt its card
If the hand is hard
Together we'll mend your heart because

When the sun shine we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'll stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella

I require a permanent hangover.

moonlight [May 15, 2007 @ 3:33am]

Random chunks:

I missed the Voilah French Festival's haute coutre gala dinner because I didn't wanna bump into rich snobs. 
But that meant missing Sioeba's works, which is like once in a lifetime opportunity.


People who use their blogs/online journals as a medium to criticise or show off are simply being retarded. 
So shallow, so dense. 

Have you realised, people who blatantly proclaim that they hate it when 'ah lians and ah bengs' tYpE LiKex thiZz are those who have used this big-small caps trend before? I'm not kidding.


Piano theory exam results will be released soon! 

Many concerts/theatres to look forward to this year  :] 


Photography allows me to appreciate the beauty of things, the smallest and most intricate detail invisible to the busy human eye. 
Talking about that, I'm eyeing the newest Canon SLR  on the market but it is priced at a whopping $4,985 (!)
Well, due to personal financial strains it will just have to be held back for the time being.


I wish people would stereotype and judge less about someone you hardly had a tenth look at.


Sometimes people always say they are busy with this or that, but I think all it takes is effort...

...and a heart.


He's returning in June.

Implicit vs. Explicit. [May 03, 2007 @ 2:18am]
How do you start telling a story
Which pierced your heart a million times over

School is reasonably relaxed even with upcoming assignments and The Field Practicum (which i reckon is going to be the IT thing for two.five months of my life) coming June.

I was thinking.

Singapore, all we do is stress ourselves out for a major exam then take the exam, feel free after that for a short while then begin the endless cycle again of stressing-studying-liberation-stressing-studying-liberation. Aye, I believe there's something more to life than that! Say, everyone's like the same person, having the same cycle. And the unfortunate part is, the people who fail to fit into this 'perfect' mould fall into pariah-like categories. Say, ITE.

Meritocracy could kill a society from having this individuality to split themselves from this 'perfect' and succeed at it. Haha, Singaporeans, we're so so afraid of losing. We're so afraid of dying.

But we never realise that by losing, we learn to consider that there are others in this world (Eg. Being happy for someone's else's win, stop being the only person in our world). By dying, we are freed from this cycle.

This restraining cycle.

I think I need a new town
To leave all this behind
Where no one knows my name

In Too Deep [April 20, 2007 @ 1:20am]

There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
There's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It's still a little harder to say what's going on

There's still a little bit of your song in my ear
There's still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

[April 09, 2007 @ 3:27am]

Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song 

He sang as if he knew me in all my dark despair.
And then he looked right through me as if I wasn't there.
But he just came to me singing, singing clear and strong.

[April 08, 2007 @ 5:00am]

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place
In the Diary of Jane


I was about to fall asleep when the oh-so-nice neighbour upstairs decided to create a rackus and so here I am, fully awake at this unearthly hour of 0450 with deafening silence for company.

 Everything's been going real great for me these past two months, and I hope the start of school in a week's time would not mess up my (so-called) perfect lifestyle. Now, don't misread me, I don't exactly hate school to the extent of being dragged out of bed every morning - in fact, school's several notches above working life in my opinion. It's just the same old class politics that make me feel so depressed whenever I start thinking about them, which leads to the question Why can't everyone just shut up and make peace? And my right brain would answer my own question with If everything is perfect it isn't life, my dear. I mean seriously, who wouldn't feel reluctant to give up their current (so-called) perfect lifestyle? I for one, would, because it would mean giving up days of meeting up with my chummiest buddies/friends in the whole wide world, intensive dance and music training, volunteer work, teaching ballet & seeing my adorable ballet students, concerts and theatres, indulging in hobbies, chilling & just plain lazing around :[

Nothing in life is fair. The only thing that is fair is that it is unfair to everyone.

Anyway, on to happier stuff! I'm definitely not a depressed nut, you know. It's just that there's never just one thought running through me at any one time - everything's kind of jumbled up and I'll have to sort them out, thought by thought.


"The National Arts Council (NAC) is offering opportunities for young female and male dancers to represent Singapore at the upcoming 10th Seoul International Youth Dance Festival which will be held in Seoul, Korea from 15-22 December 2007. The festival is organized by The Modern Dance Promotion of Korea and supported by the Ministry of Culture & Tourism, Seoul Municipal Government and the National Commission of Korea, UNESCO.

An audition will be held on 10 February 2007, Saturday, to select 20 to 25 dancers (age 15-23) for a 3-month intensive training scholarship in preparation for the festival. Working in partnership with Singapore Dance Theatre, this special Training Scholarship Programme is a pilot project of NAC which provides opportunity for aspiring dancers to be exposed to the demands of a professional dance company and to hone their technical and performance skills. 10 to 12 dancers will eventually be selected as the final cast to perform in the 10th Seoul International Youth Dance Festival."

Alright I feel my bed beckoning for me to sleep in it, so bye!

Read (1)

[April 04, 2007 @ 5:12am]

Went with my extended family for a dinner at Fullerton and oh boy am I glad I saved my (flabby)  tummy for dessert cos' we had a  Marzipan covered fruitcake that was decorated with flowers made of sugar - my favourite of the century!  
I only had about 3 hours of sleep the night before so i was falling asleep every where. I managed to catch Duce Bigalow at the in-house cinema with Shawn though, caught 40 winks and woke up with a massive headache :[ 

At Salvatore Ferragamo, my two distant aunts produced a bill of $9,000 and my eyes most probably dropped out of my sockets there and then. Even though I have seen more than enough humongous bills, they never fail to amaze me. I mean, I would willingly spend on flagship brands such as Tommy Hilfiger, Kate Spade/Georg Jensen, DKNY or  River Island, but never, I repeat - never, spend $4,000 on a pair of closed-toe pumps. 

What. Is. The. World. Coming. To. 

"So much money donate to charity, la!"

[March 29, 2007 @ 12:10am]

This ain’t where it’s at
My friends will second that
And I gotta admit sometimes it’s pretty sad
But its like were our own brat pack
We're always kickin back
Nobody can take that
And that is that

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